As an analytical thinker, I can be quiet and reserved with my thoughts going a mile a minute as I’m observing everything around me. Although my composure can make it seem that I’m disinterested or not paying attention, that is not the case. I’m simply analyzing the general atmosphere; body languages of people in the room, picking up on energies, listening to bits and pieces of conversations, tuning into different frequencies etc all the while analyzing aspects of Andreana. I do detach from thoughts, people, or situations that can be conflicting with the state of mind I am striving to maintain. I find it easy to part from outside forces that are preventing me from keeping on, but to separate myself from my own judgement or negative thoughts is the true battle. One major step I have taken is consciously shifting my thought processes from the former. In previous posts I wrote about my continual struggle through how I think and feel about myself as a whole and through those posts I’ve been able to assess and alter my outlook on life.
A few weeks ago I spent the evening with an awesome group of women. Some I knew and some were new. One question I was asked during the night was “So what do you do?” My immediate response was “Oh, I’m just a Mom.” with a slightly awkward giggle. Before the words had even left my mouth, I was already drilling myself with the question of “How am I just a mom?”
While the person asking the question made no qualms with my response, I did. The issue I had with this statement was in the way I described myself and the reaction in my head. For one slight second I let comments or ideals that other people have about my life delude the way I see myself. On the outside looking in it’s easy to assume that my life is ‘boring’ or ‘dull’ and that ‘what I’m doing each day isn’t meaningful since I don’t have a place of work’. The major “AHA!” moment that I’m celebrating is how I overcame the negative connotations that used to cloud my mind. Instead of getting lost in the unwelcome thoughts that would ultimately lead to me feeling crappy, I reminded myself who exactly I am and my purposes in life.
At the beginning of my 26th year I made a resolution with myself for change. Communicating has never been my forte but it is most definitely improving. By challenging myself to reach outwards for guidance and mentor-ship, I’ve been able to dig deeper and strive for more. I have a clear(er) focus on what I want in life, in my marriage and from people. Many things I had settled for from myself and people out of comfort or fear. I won’t let excuses, resentment, ill-will, sad memories, bad habits or people with negativity or even values that don’t match my own overshadow enjoyment of life. For every thought of why I couldn’t accomplish something, I’ll counter it with steps to get it done. I won’t linger in fears or troubled thoughts, instead I will overcome them. I will change my focus from hoping and wishing to being and doing. I won’t dwell on missed opportunities or dissolved relationships, instead I will improve what I have and create new ones. I will treat myself better in every possible way.
Shifting my mindset from all that hindered me before was the most important change I’ve made.